Practically a real school day!

It's been a while since we did "school" per se.  But today it kind of happened!

We had read aloud, handwriting and math for both BG and LB.  We had bits of narration, drawing and music (well...a 5 minute piano practice).  There was Pictionary and laundry folding and sorting.  I jotted down the names of LB's hot wheels cars with descriptions of each.  LB went to gymnastics and BG tagged along with Auntie and played hangman.  Hangman is good for spelling, no?

Anyway, all in all it was a productive day!

 

So....

I'm  on the Face Place yesterday (I remember Kathy Griffin's mom called it FacePlace and I just loved that...) and a woman posts a marriage update.  She says that her husband complained that her life has become about homeschooling and that he doesn't know her anymore and that after the kids leave there will be nothing connecting them any longer.  On top of that he commented on the way she cares about herself and how she's let herself go.

OK.  That's a lot to take in.

She spoke about all the ways she saw his point and what she is doing to rectify the situation.  How she is doing something he wants once a week, how she's taking her self care more seriously.

This woman's post has been gnawing at me.  These are things that have come up between MC and myself.  Now, I preface this with a statement regarding MC's problems. The man has problems.  I refer to him as MC because he truly is a ManChild.  TRULY.  I won't go into why and perhaps the truth to this moniker will emerge over time as I write here, but trust me.  He is the one and true ManChild.  BUT...I have let myself go.  I have made my life about homeschool.  And this is a blessing and a curse on both points.

Now - to the later point...I am thrilled I have made my life about homeschool.  I really like it.  It is the most meaningful and joyful challenge I have ever had in my life.  Read aloud alone is like meditation and I cherish each morning with my kids.  If I could wish anything, I wish my husband would engage with me on this subject, but he has simply left it to me without routine engagement.  I feel lonely in the endeavor and I see it as something that has cleaved our marriage in a way.  That's all I have to say about that right now.

As to the former point.  I have certainly let myself go.  I have stopped exercising, I sleep poorly, I eat like shit.  I'm heavier than I want to be.  I shower once a week, haven't cut my hair in almost a year...I could go on.  This is entirely on me.

So what will I do about it?  There have been periods that have been better than others and the payoff, from an entirely selfish POV, has been phenomenal - greater energy, happiness abounding, sounder sleep, more empathy for my kids.  But, sustaining the self care is a challenge.  Now, I caveat this topic with the full disclosure of a history with eating disorders and anxiety/depression.  I have seen a therapist for a long time, take prozac and spend a lot of time on personal development.  But the truth is, I look and feel like absolute crap and can only imagine how that affects my husband.  I am not the most appealing at the moment and I haven't been in several years.  This saddens me.

So, what shall I do about this?  I'm writing here and that's a start.  I am resuming the practice of waking up early before the kids to have free time to write here, read, exercise and groom myself.  This is something I did for a while and I found it a productive, albeit challenging practice (getting up at 5am requires a discipline I don't exactly embrace, but I can swing it most days).

Anyway, today is today and I can begin here.  I have this space to air my truest thoughts and feelings and will try to remember to make use of it.  Closing for now.  Until next time....

love

A Blog? Am I serious about this?

What the hell am I doing?
A Blog?
Well.  I can't really call it a blog, at least not in earnest.

So what the hell am I doing?
I think this is going to be an all purpose place.  A scatter-book, a journal, a place to document our home-school, a complaint dump sight and so on.

So here it is.  Blank page.
What will I start with?  A quote?  I suppose that's a good way to start.

Hmmmmm.  What quote?  Cue rustling through paper journal to find something, Anything to inseret here:

Ok.  I will start with Neil Postman, from The End of Education

Without a narrative, life has no meaning.  Without meaning, learning has no purpose. Without a purpose, schools are houses of detention, not attention.

So why this?  Mostly because it struck me so strongly when I read it.  I mean, it's a really strong statement to say something without a purpose is a prison,  especially when the purpose itself could turn an institution into a prison too.  My childhood was kind of prison-like.  So why this quote?

I think when I read this, I presume that I have only good intentions in my homeschool.  It would be a pretty sick f'er to say that he has only bad intentions.  Now...I also presume that when I say I have only good intentions in my homeschool, I think there's all kinds of stuff that can be picked through on that simple subject of what constitutes good intentions, but I will just state my goals here:

1. That the children develop their OWN minds and spirits according to what is true and meaningful to them
2. They NEVER stop learning
3. They are OPEN to the notion that they don't have any final answers
4. They are kind and charitable
5. They are brave and love courageously

This might be a list that gets edited.  But I think that's a good start.  Anyway, so those are my intentions with my home school.  That said.  What is my narrative?  I think the Charlotte Mason notion of children being persons is a good place to start.  Julie Bogart has brought these ideas into the modern age with the Brave Writer Lifestyle and she is pretty much preaching to the choir over here when she talks about her views on education.  So what is that?  Education is a lifestyle and a science of relations.  It isn't simply how things relate to each other, but it is also how 2 or more people interact in the pursuit of knowledge.  It is the notion that without a meaningful relationship to the source (or subject) a child cannot learn in a meaningful way.  Now...I have a feeling that last statement leaves a LOT of exploration to be done.  I mean how the heck can I back that up?  It's a pretty broad statement.  But, what I mean is that the child needs to feel excited/stimulated by the material to be engaged.  The same goes with their partner in learning (i.e. teacher).  They must have a positive relationship for the learning to take place.  I'm feeling like I'm hitting an intellectual brick wall, so I'll just stop here.  But I hope you/I know what I mean.  I've got a sense of it.  Perhaps this is where I'll just say goodbye!